you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
