Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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