i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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