I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
