the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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