I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
