Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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