so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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