I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
