I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
