He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
