you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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