somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
