You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
