I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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