happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
