put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
