Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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