i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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