New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
