you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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