She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
