But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
