Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
