It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
