Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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