and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
being pregnant is like rehab
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
