Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
