When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
the raccoons are back...
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