can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
