Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
