you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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