the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
