Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
