I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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