You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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