Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
