dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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