I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
