You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
