he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
