I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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