I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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