Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
