you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's official drugs can't kill me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
