I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
