Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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