wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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