make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The feeling are messing with the penis
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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