doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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