So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
