Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
